Kim Kardashin’s 14-year-old sister’s racy modeling photos;

Any NY Fashion Week size controversy;

A profile on the Edith Wharton books I’ve been reading, what an early feminist she was;

No Fat Talk Week;

a review of Jude’s Law, a romance novel featuring a plus-size heroine; and

any fallout from the coverage of the Emmys, VMAs, etc.

Ever notice how women seem to bond using self-effacing language? Since I’ve started following the fat activism blogs more closely last year, I’ve been noticing it everywhere from magazine articles to home shopping channels. Although I try very hard not to use negative language when talking about my own body around my daughters, I tend to fall into these types of conversations with my nanny. Why must we take potshots at our own bodies or weight in order to connect during conversations? It appears to be as common or as natural as talking about the weather.

My nanny is new, and started working with my family about a month ago. We have a friendly rapport, and often have small chit-chats that aren’t about the care of children. However, our little tete-a-tete go down the body-hate path. Our nanny recently lost some weight, and is in maintenance mode. Any mention of food seems to lead to a statement about her needing to watch her waistline. Instead of denying that she does, I go on my own miniature rant about needing to slim down (something I actively try not to say). It seems so easy to slide into those conversations, and I hate it. For one, our nanny is statuesque. Almost Amazonian, and a semi-professional dancer. Two, downing myself only makes me feel bad. I hate  feeling bad. The other day I commented that I was hesitant to bring home the leftover cookies from my oldest daughter’s Pre-K Step-Up celebration, she quickly concluded that it was because the cookies would be bad for our waistlines. I chuckled, agreed, and ended up having at least a five minute conversation about how unhealthy Oreo cookies were. It wasn’t until later that I realized how easily I was sucked into that type of body bashing talk. I really didn’t want to have the cookies in the house, because my girls would try to eat their weight in sugar before bedtime.

HSN and QVC are my go to channels when I want to unwind at night, and fantasize about buying pretty costume jewels and faux Dennis Basso furs. My favorite hostesses are Lisa Robertson of QVC, and Callie Northagen and Amy Morrison of HSN. They are glamorous versions of the average woman. Lisa, Callie and Amy are clearly the fashionistas of their fellow co-hosts but they have attainable style and looks, which is probably one of the reasons they were hired. The ladies have the wit, charm, and affability of an old friend, which make them really good at getting you to buy things. Yet, they always find a way to knock their bodies a little bit when talking to callers about fashion or make-up. Soon, the caller and the host are laughing about their [perceived] back fat or crow’s feet. I’ve only recently come to notice this, and it ticks me off.

I know studies have suggested that women do this make others feel comfortable; to protect themselves from insult; or out of sheer lack of self-esteem. Regardless of the reason, I want women to stop. I don’t want to participate in their self body-hating nor do I want their body hate talk to trigger any of my own. Ladies, there’s so much more we can bond over besides that. Let’s just start simply. “Hey, we have XX chromosomes. How about that?”*

(Or, if you encounter a male to female trannsexual, you can say something different.)

Harken back to your middle school, high school and college years and think about all of the jokes, lectures and comments you heard about your vagina. How many of them were close to complimentary? There probably weren’t many nice ones, were there? Care to share? Here are the some I heard:

1. I don’t eat anything that bleeds for a week and doesn’t die.

2. What smells like fish?

3. When my father told me I had to eat pussy to satisfy a woman, I knew then I was gay.

So, when I stumbled upon U by Kotex’s campaign to take back the word “vagina” and the normalcy of having a period, I was moved to write.  Being raised by my grandmother and my single, vaginas were not celebrated in my house.  It was something to be cleansed frequently, and to be perfumed by powder, scented wipes, body sprays. Cervical or vaginal mucus was called discharge (the word itself conjurs up something dirty).

Periods were to be kept secret. Having my period meant staying in the house–no hanging out with friends, no going shopping, no dates. It was years of old wives’ tales passed day from generation to generation. Years of vagina hate passed down.

Kotex was to motivate women and girls to embrace the attitude of talking openly about vaginal health issues with their mothers, doctors and friends, because a recent North American study confirms that women feel as though they have to keep these types of discussions to themselves. On their site, they are encouraging  everyone to sign the Declaration of Real Talk. With each new signature, U by Kotex* will give $1 to support social change through Girls For A Change. Why don’t you take a look and sign it.

Reposted from the Huffington Post

Building self-esteem, independent thinking, and self-reliance in my daughters began as soon as they were babies.

• It is okay to follow your own path whether it be in the way you dress, the way you pray, or the way you vote.
• It is okay not to be part of the cool group. You can be cool all by yourself.
• Your body is beautiful no matter your weight, your skin color or the texture of your hair.
• It is okay to speak up for yourself.

My husband and I have started early. Our 5-year-old Dew has just finished her second year of dance. This particular dance school doesn’t force the stereotypical body idea for ballerinas. The ballerinas in the company are tall, short, chunky, slender, etc. They also don’t use toe shoes to force the feet into those unnatural positions. Besides teaching them how to dance, the school is also teaching them how to stand up tall and work together. Jo-J0, who is 3 , will be starting in the fall.

Jo-Jo will also get a chance to take gymnastics for toddlers, because she is constantly on the move and showing off the wonders of what her body can do. She jumps, climbs, hangs up side down on the monkey bars, and those somersaults around the house. She also loves to mix it up with the big kids at the playground. She’s not afraid to be active and stand her ground. We want to foster that forever.

Dew is a performer from birth. She doesn’t walk down the street, she struts. She twirls, sings, and throws out her arms as though she is hosting a game show. Dew loves to imitate Michael Jackson’s famous choreography, and “praise dance” during her nightly prayers. At school, she’s clearly a leader. By the third day of school, everyone in her class knew her name but she’s not conceited. She’s humble and sensitive, and wants to be a helper. Because of this, I decided to enroll her in the Girl Scouts this fall.

Girl Scouts of the USA is the largest organization for girls in the world. Our
mission is to build girls of courage, confidence and character, who make the
world a better place. Through activities in science and technology, business
and economic literacy, and outdoor and environmental awareness, Girl Scout-
ing provides girls with opportunities for fun and friendship, while fostering the development of leadership skills and self-esteem. (emphasis mine)

I believe my husband and I are making the right decisions when it comes to fostering our daughters’ sense of self-esteem, self-worth, and self-acceptance. Of course, we’re going to try to be flexible with our strategies as they get older and we become a little more informed.

Speaking of being more informed on girls and their self-esteem, you should check out Dove’s Campaign For Real Beauty website. They feature a wealth of tools to connect with girls and women about raising their self esteem. There are blogs, links to local workshops, and downloadable lesson plans. Their partners in self-esteem include the Girls Scouts, The Boys and Girls Club, and Girls Inc.

I am proud that Crystal Renn is getting so much work now, and that she is representing for women bigger than a size 4. Hopefully this kind of size diversity will not be a trend, but a long lasting change that will assist in giving our girls a broader spectrum of physical beauty in which to connect. (I won’t complain too much, yet, about the lack of browner fuller-sized models.)  But, I’m sick and tired of seeing her! It’s like the fashion editors of all magazines have developed model tunnel vision.

Also, let’s get this straight, Crystal Renn (and most plus-sized models) does not reflect the average fuller-sized/plus-sized women. Most of us are not 5’10″ with an hour glass shape, and legs that don’t end. According to the United States’ Center for Disease Control, the average American woman is:

Height (inches): 63.8 (Ed Note: roughly 5’3″)
Weight (pounds): 164.7
Waist circumference (inches): 37.0.

I don’t find models of any size aspirational. I find regular woman of any size looking great to be more aspirational. That is why I enjoy makeover shows like TLC’s What Not To Wear and the dearly departed Cover Shot, because they prove we can all look fabulous with the right make-up, lighting, and clothing.

Glamour magazine is killing me with its size diversity cheerleading. Do they have to have a headline about it on every single cover? Can’t they just do it without all the pomp and circumstance? As all our English composition teachers have taught us: don’t tell us, show us. You have always been at the forefront. Over the past several years, you’ve featured how-to fashion stories with plus-size tips, options, and non-model women modeling the clothes. You’ve always had articles encouraging women to love themselves as is. Having plus-size models on the cover and in the articles is just the icing the cake. We notice it. We appreciate it. We love it. But stop calling our attention to it. We know it without the neon arrows and cover lines.

(Check out the Real is the New Sexy story on page 219, which features women discussing how much they love their typically frowned upon physical traits.)

International No Diet Day is an annual celebration of body acceptance and body shape diversity. It is also dedicated to raise awareness of the dangers in diets. It began in 1992 when a British Feminist, Mary Evans Young, decided to fight the diet industry and to raise awareness of the dangers in anorexia nervosa and other eating disorders.

INDD is a day to:

• Take a day off from whatever crazy diet plan you are following and instead honor listening to, respecting and responding to your body’s unique hunger and satiety ;
• Celebrate the beauty and diversity of ALL our natural sizes and shapes;
• Affirm everyBODY’s right to health, fitness, and emotional well-being;
• Declare a personal one-day moratorium on diet/weight obsession;
• Learn the facts about weight-loss dieting, health, and body size ;
• Honor the victims of eating disorders and weight-loss surgery; and 
• Help end weight discrimination, sizism and fatphobia

Wear your light blue ribbon and take the pledge:

• That I will not diet for one day, on May 6, International No Diet Day (INDD);
• Instead of trying to change my body to fit someone else’s standards, I will accept myself just as I am;
• I will feed myself if I’m hungry;
• I will feel no shame or guilt about my size or about eating;
• I will think about whether dieting has improved my health and well-being or not;
• And I will try to do at least one thing I have been putting off “until I lose weight”.

Top Ten Reasons To Give Up Dieting

10. DIETS DON’T WORK. Even if you lose weight, you will probably gain it all back, and you might gain back more than you lost.

9. DIETS ARE EXPENSIVE. If you didn’t buy special diet products, you could save enough to get new clothes, which would improve your outlook right now.

8. DIETS ARE BORING. People on diets talk and think about food and practically nothing else. There’s a lot more to life.

7. DIETS DON’T NECESSARILY IMPROVE YOUR HEALTH. Like the weight loss, health improvement is temporary. Dieting can actually cause health problems.

6. DIETS DON’T MAKE YOU BEAUTIFUL. Very few people will ever look like models. Glamour is a look, not a size. You don’t have to be thin to be attractive.

5. DIETS ARE NOT SEXY. If you want to be more attractive, take care of your body and your appearance. Feeling healthy makes you look your best.

4. DIETS CAN TURN INTO EATING DISORDERS. The obsession to be thin can lead to anorexia, bulimia, bingeing, and compulsive exercising.

3. DIETS CAN MAKE YOU AFRAID OF FOOD. Food nourishes and comforts us, and gives us pleasure. Dieting can make food seem like your enemy, and can deprive you of all the positive things about food.

2. DIETS CAN ROB YOU OF ENERGY. If you want to lead a full and active life, you need good nutrition, and enough food to meet your body’s needs.

1. Learning to love and accept yourself just as you are will give you self-confidence, better health, and a sense of wellbeing that will last a lifetime.

 Body Acceptance Books To Read:

Thin Is the New Happy by Valerie Frankel

Self-Esteem Comes in All Sizes by Carol Johnson

The Science of Sexy: Dress to Fit Your Unique Figure with the Style System that Works for Every Shape and Size by Bradley Bayou

Rethinking Thin: The New Science of Weight Loss–and the Myths and Realities of Dieting by Gina Kolata

Pretty Face by Mary Hogan

The Next Big Thing by Johanna Edwards

Models Don’t Eat Chocolate Cookies by Erin Dionne

Life in the Fat Lane by Cherie Bennett

Lessons from the Fat-o-sphere: Quit Dieting and Declare a Truce with Your Body by Kate Harding

 

http://www.adiosbarbie.com/listen-to-your-inner-voice-international-no-diet-day/

The United States is an oversexed country in all forms of our media–news outlets, fashion magazines, talk show, soap operas, video games, books, comic books, movies, etc. Even with all the ratings and parental policing, there really is no way to protect a child from the deluge of sexual images and phrases. In Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel, one of the chipmunks says something akin to “shake what your mama gave you.” I was appalled when my 5-year-old shouted that while dancing. Although her dance moves were very innocent, I had to explain to her why that phrase was inappropriate. Do you know how hard it is to explain sexual objectification to a 5-year-old AND make her understand that the human body is something beautiful to cherish?

I wish we lived in a society where sexuality wasn’t so shamed. It would make talking about it easier, and it would be used less as a commercial and titillating tactic.

Below is the Girls Inc. Girls’ Bill of Rights:

Girls have the right to be themselves and to resist gender stereotypes.

Girls have the right to express themselves with originality and enthusiasm.

Girls have the right to take risks, to strive freely, and to take pride in success.

Girls have the right to accept and appreciate their bodies.

Girls have the right to have confidence in themselves and to be safe in the world.

Girls have the right to prepare for interesting work and economic independence.

This is why when I hear or see anything on the subject of Michelle Obama’s new campaign against childhood obesity, I feel a knot in my stomach. I know this sort of approach will inevitably turn into a campaign against obese children, and fat kids have enough to worry about. They already have to fight hard to resist this culture that tells them their size will always hold them back; they do not need to be further singled out in a crusade mounted by the beloved first lady of the United States….

But I came to realize that it wasn’t my fatness that made me hate exercise; it was the social expectations associated with being fat that did so. It wasn’t my fatness that made me feel inferior to and isolated from people I met; it was the cultural ideology which dictated that fat people are lonely, miserable, and unloved….

The effort to ensure the health of our children does not need to emphasize the existing anathema toward fatness. It can instead focus on the nobler effort of helping all of our children, across all sizes and abilities, to know their bodies, to love and accept themselves, and to be the healthiest people they can be. As adults, this is a lesson we could stand to learn, as well as teach.

I couldn’t have explained it any better my problem with the National Obesity Movement. And while we’re on the topic of being picked on for being fat, a recent study revealed being overweight increases the risk of being bullied and that trumps all other factors that cause children to be bullied, like gender, race and family income levels. On the blog, Definatalie.com, the author, who was a victim of cyber-bullying, puts bullies in their place. Check out her post: You Can’t Bully Me Out of My Skinny Jeans. It was Natatlie’s thoughts here that really moved me:

So when someone makes fun of me for: being fat, wearing “unflattering” clothes, looking like a man, being a bitch, having acne, not being polite or gracious, wearing too little perfume, wearing too much perfume, having gunk in my eye, wearing a t-shirt that shows my belly when I raise my arm, perspiring a lot or laughing too loudly… It’s totally personal, but then again, it totally isn’t. We all have a variety of unique and personal characteristics, and they might read a little differently depending on where you live, what you look like, how much you earn, the colour of your skin or what gender you are, but at the end of the day those criticisms are about hemming you in and disempowering you. I can’t even get angry at people who insult me anymore because I know most of us are conditioned to think this way.

What these three stories have in common is that you shouldn’t allow society to force you into a box just because you’re above the so-called ideal weight.

Here are some links that have been helping me build up my self-esteem and love my weight.

Stuff We Love: The Mom Belly

Body, Love, Wellness

Plus Model Radio